Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom
Dr. Glasser is the pioneer of “Choice Theory.” He suggests that all our actions are chosen, either consciously or subconsciously. Choice Theory lists 7 Caring Habits and Seven Deadly Habits; to a significant extent choosing between these Caring Habits and Deadly Habits can decide our level of fullfillment with our lives.
Dr. Glasser’s Choice Theory proposes that personal relationships largely decide whether or not we have satisfying lives; and that the outcome of those relationships is fundamentally decided by how we respond to the choices of optimistic , nurturing habits or negative , destructive habits. The more we shift towards the 7 Habits that result in Personal Empowerment, the more we move towards rewarding Relationships.
Your first choice centres on, “Are we Supporting, or Criticizing?” From our own reactions to being criticized, we know that criticism does not work. We also know that supportive behaviour does work. To have satisfying relationships, we must be perpetually working to improve supportive behaviours and cut down our criticism of others.
Second, we should to ask, “Are we Encouraging, or Blaming?” Similar to the above – the question that comes to mind is, “Do you want to fix the blame? Or do you want to fix the problem?” As long as we stay in the “blame game” we lose the opportunity to encourage .
Third, we get to choose between Listening and Complaining For our third choice, we get to choose between Listening and Complaining . There is a reason you have two ears and only one mouth; your creator knew what He was doing. Sadly , most of us choose to talk rather listen. By choosing to improve empathetic listening skills you will significantly enhance all of your relationships.
Next, Choice Theory lists Accepting or Nagging . We all know that nagging does not work – yet we all do it. Accepting others as they are is a close cousin to unconditional love; it is a skill we should all work on. Plus, accepting others has a big side effect – over time they come to accept us as we are .
Our fifth choice is between Trusting and Threatening. We are born trusting – but our worldly experiences soon push most of us to threatening. As we grow and understand the ramifications of our choices, we need to push the balance back towards trusting.
In 6th place is , “Are we Respecting or Punishing?” Punishment seems to be the collective mechanism of our world, despite centuries of living proof that it does not work. This is true in our personal lives, our schools, the business world etc; we need to choose respect.
For our final choice , we get to choose between Negotiating Differences and Bribing/ Rewarding . In a world that stresses winning at all costs, the win/win solution is gaining some ground amongst the more enlightened. Negotiating differences is handicapped by poor negotiating skills for most people, but as we work on the six preceding habits our negotiating skills improve when we move from a selfish point of view to one that accepts, respects, values and empowers others.
Dr. Glasser’s book , “Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom” is the main textbook for choice theory and is available directly from the William Glasser Institute.
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